Growing in God's Design: Discovering my God-given name

Discovering my True God-given identity. "Ezer of God"

The clock on my screen has just turned to 1 A.M.  I am sitting alone with my constant companion of chronic pain in the mid-night hours, pondering my identity once again. As a woman who has been sick throughout her 30s, who postponed starting a family in the hope of a health restoration that never came, and cancelled a career that was too physically demanding, the world in her two dimensional judgments has stripped me of any semblance of meaning or identity. As one of the chronically ill (and especially as a chronically ill woman) I have nothing left to give. Unless a miracle overwhelms this broken body, I will never know the beauty of motherhood, or even the simple pleasures of a childless and "normal" life. This body has even denied me of that historically feminine joy of a thick, flowing head of hair—something so integral to feminine identity throughout cultural histories, that one of the gravest punishments of public humiliation for women was to deprive them of this vanity.

Without children, a career, or feminine beauty, the worlds tells me: "You are not enough.  You are not captivating.  You are not worthy. You are not useful. You are not fun, adventurous, or capable." And according to the world, I never will be any of these things. I am learning to make my peace with that—to no longer desire any identity the world might offer or even one I might dream up for myself, born of the world's lies and self-worshiping desires.

Those identities have never lead to true, fulfilling purpose in my experience—only to a labyrinth of empty echoing chambers. In these vacant halls, the only voices you hear are the echoes you scream at yourself to drown out the still, small voice that seeks to lead you to your true identity and purpose. Turning away from the world's empty echo chamber, the important question remains: What is my identity—The identity that roots a lost soul in truth, wholeness, and purpose?  What name does my God call His broken daughter?

I was first introduced to the Hebrew word Ezer a number of years ago. This is the word in Genesis 2:18 that God uses to describe Eve when He created her. This original term God uses for the first woman is not one of subservience or lower status. Ezer means "combative helper." It is also a word used throughout the Bible that refers to God as “our help”. For years, this word has danced in my head because it was so much more intriguing than anything I had ever been told (by Christians and atheists alike) about what Genesis says it means to be a woman and a wife. But that wasn't the whole story for me. There were depths to this word, and the personal meaning it would come to hold for me, that God had not yet revealed.

In the last few months, filled with a desperate need for encouragement and connection with a community built on truth and purpose (the only cry louder than the despair of ill health) my husband and I joined a life group at our church.  A life group is one of those beautiful mysteries in the Christian community in which a group of strangers (often connected only by a shared need for a relationship with Christ) gather to discuss Sunday sermons and other theological wonders. This group of uncommonly-bonded souls with diverse backgrounds, personalities, and peculiarities, can become a greater source of inspiration and comfort than many family members or friends ever have or will be. They are there for you, pray for you, lend an ear to your vulnerability, and tend to your soul in ways that other relationships never even attempt to.

One of the women in this group knew I needed to be part of another small study on finding my Christian identity. For this, we read Jamie Winship's book Living Fearless.

I will not attempt to uncover the depth of his life or book here, to understand the richness of narrative and truth in his story you will have to read it for yourself (and I recommend starting with his three-part interview on Jennie Allen's podcast). (S12: Conflict Zones, the CIA, and Listening to God with Jamie Winship Made For This with Jennie Allen.) In this interview series you will find Jamie’s recounting of his time as a government employed, militant-peace-maker.  Encountering some of the most anti-Christian regimes in the world, he uses his God-given identity, and thus spirit of grace and wisdom, to carry the promise of peace and friendship to sworn enemies of Christ.  (Not the kind of task one can accomplish without the very real blessing of God).  As such a task requires great blessing, and divine intervention on occasion…there may be a confirmed Angelic sighting or two… I think it is safe to say that in a God-given identity, we are given stories to tell that exceed our two dimensional imaginations.

But for now, I must return to the question at hand that still demands an answer—what is my true identity? In a world that continually ensnares with its deceptive messages that demand self-loathing and self-worship in equal and ample amounts (a world that has only ever offered a spirit of woe in her values for one removed from her triumphs and pleasures), how do I combat this flood of negativity and anchor my soul in true purpose with a true and unerasable identity? What name (even divinely bestowed) could do this? While engaged in this small group study and discussing Jamie Winship's own miraculous story and God-given name, I hoped that the first name my Father would bestow upon me would be one that would define my place in this tumultuous world—a world that, in my experience, seems to have no true place, or place of truth, for the broken and the broken-hearted… I was concerned in this practice that the only words that would come to my mind would be self-determined and over-spiritualized silliness, something that would have no true meaning. While such names as "cultivator for Christ" or "gardener for God" might indeed resonate within my spirit, upon diving into Jamie Winship’s recommended introspective exercise on God-given identity, the first and most precious name my Father gave me is far more perfect in its simplicity and truth, which is why I believe this exercise to have been a place of truth for me. (A word of warning, there are dangers in such exercises when removed from true biblical doctrine in regard to over spiritualization, but more on that later.)

What was the name that my God gave me in that hour of prayer and meditation?

"You are my Ezer," He said.

Not, this time, to be interpreted as a combative helper, nor solely in relation to my husband or anyone else, but in a profoundly personal way as a woman who has been stripped of the world's purposes for womanhood. It was a name signifying who I am to my Creator, who fashioned me with intentional design and divine wisdom.

"You are my Ezer, crafted by My hand with distinct purpose. You are my Daughter, my Divinely Created Woman."

Upon this profound confirmation of my identity, the beautiful balm of its promises overwhelmed my broken and lost spirit.  For in this identity, I am grounded in His truth and His purpose.  I become more than my pain, personal struggles, suffering, disappointments-more even, than my dreams.  In Him, I am a beloved daughter with a worth and purpose that transcends the world and the illness that is a part of it.  In Him, my suffering is not in vain, for in my weakness, His strength is made perfect.  So here, in the mid-night hours, I will rest in the truth that my identity and worth are secure in the unchanging love of my God—who calls me Ezer.  And no one, nor any empty echoes of this world, can ever strip that name from me.

Ezer of God

Ezer of God. June 18, 2024. AI Art. Please Visit the gallery page to Download any of the AI Art I create. Not for Resale.